6 “Easy” Hacks for IT Pros Struggling to Find Time to Go Back to School
Working in IT is a little like working in a bomb disposal unit. Except your diffusing 50 explosive devices at the same time. Without a manual. While someone’s standing behind you, insisting “It was working fine yesterday…” You can hardly throw a rock around the office without hitting someone who, with a thimble-full of technical know-how, should be able to solve their own problem. On the other hand, every day you’re tripping over some new problem that goes much deeper down the rabbit hole than you expected.
It may be a printer that doesn’t want to communicate with the network.
Most of the time, you’re the linchpin holding the whole company’s network together, so you don’t get a lot of breaks. By the time you get home, you’re exhausted, and all you want to do is binge watch some Star Trek Voyager. The last thing you want to do is add to your workload by giving yourself responsibilities outside of work.
That said, some things are worth the effort. Things like going back to school to get the education you need to get the job you really want. But how do you fit in something important like higher education when you’re already overworked?
Sure, you could follow the advice of mundane time management advice articles, and cut down on wasted time—watching cat videos on YouTube, playing solitaire until you win, spending hours with friends at the Dungeons and Dragons table, things like that. But that’s unrealistic. That’s why this list focuses on solutions to your time-famine that are actually feasible.
1) Time Travel
If you’re struggling to find the time in the day, then cast off the temporal shackles, and do with time as you wish. Find yourself a blue police call box, a Delorean, or a wormhole, and use it to get more mileage out of your day. Just be aware you may have to befriend white-haired physicists, quirky Brits, and spaceship pilots along the way to get the job done.
And before you wonder whether something as powerful as time travel should be used to deal with a minor inconvenience, just know that you’re in good company. You wouldn’t be the first to manipulate time for a reason as mundane as going to school, so you shouldn’t feel bashful or guilty about doing so yourself—even if said time travel would be better put to use solving major plot arc conflicts in your life.
Just be careful not to crush any butterflies while you’re at it.
If you’re concerned about “Branches in time. Unstable dimensional openings. Spacial Paradoxes! Time Loops!” and you’d rather use a less…dangerous method, then consider multiplying your time another way. By increasing the number of hands on deck, you can divvy up the workload amongst yourself, and get more done at once. You can go to work, go to class, go to a movie, go to sleep, and a near limitless number of other things, all without taking up more of your day.
Of course, things might get a little complicated if you’re dating. Or if you’re down to the last slice of pizza. Or on birthdays. Or if you own a bike. Or when you go home for Christmas.
You know what? Maybe this one isn’t such a good idea.
3) Instantaneous Cranial Installation
If you’re really in a hurry and don’t want to deal with all the hassle of studying for several years, you can always download the information straight into your brain. After all, the brain is essentially a sophisticated organic computer. So installing apps and downloading data shouldn’t be too hard. All you need is the right hardware, and someone to hit the button.
This method has the additional benefit of allowing you to play video games in the most visceral way possible. So, once you’re done with work and earned your degree (which shouldn’t take long), you can relax by living in a fantasy world for a little while. Just be sure you remember to wake up when you’re done.
4) Cheat Codes
For those who prefer a more devious approach, there’s always cheat codes. Life is not unlike a game, after all, which means there’s bound to be cheats that offer privileges like unlimited resources, level select, and invincibility. Use the cheat codes to jump ahead to graduation day. Or, just award the degree to yourself for free. Heck, while you’re at it, make yourself president. Dare to dream big, and cheat your way to the top.
5) Human to A.I. Conversion
Similar to downloading what you want to know into your brain, you can get pretty far by reversing the process—uploading your brain to a computer. Then, your mind will process information much faster, and learning would be a rather simple matter. What’s more, it would be a lot easier to solve non-hardware problems as an IT admin that actually lives in the network.
If you’re afraid you’ll miss out on all the fun the pathetic humans are having, you can always download yourself into an android body, and go back to living like a normal person (well, almost). Just be prepared to be bored with how slow biological life is compared to you. Oh, and be sure to keep those megalomaniacal, humanity-dominating Skynet impulses in check.
6) Have a Lab Accident
If all else fails, there is one final option that may solve your problem. You can always follow in the time-honored tradition of comic book heroes and villains, and gain superpowers via a freak lab accident. All you have to do is find a set of powers that would be helpful in your endeavors, and then “Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy” (or “get dangerous” if you prefer). You might consider powers like:
- A perfect memory
- Super speed
- Self-duplication (see number 2 above)
- Teleportation (to get you from work to class, and back)
- Psychic powers (mind control your professors for an easy “A”)
- Regeneration (not necessarily applicable, but still really cool)
Feel free to also use these powers for crime-fighting/world domination, if your schedule permits. You may also want to get in touch with a fashion designer to help you put together a costume. Make it something snazzy, something that really sets you apart from the crowd. Also be sure it doesn’t ride up in the crotch.